Craigslist

So when I think of how I'm going to meet my new boyfriend the last thing I think of is, "Hey let me place and ad on Craigslist" lol....I'm happy to say that's exactly what I did almost 6 months ago and we are still together...I thought on a very boring night in April, let me give this thing a try..I will at least get a kick out of reading the responses...I could have tried the E Harmony gang or Match.com, or even the new bootie-call site Plentyoffish.com...but I said nope lets see what Craigslist has to offer..So my title under women seeking men was "Seeking someone Fun and Simple"..that seems like a nice inviting post for normal men..I guess I forgot that among the nice men out there are the creeps...I guess the word fun invited them to think I was thinking sexual...so I have like 50 or so emails in my inbox, mostly from creeps wanting me to meet them at their homes for a movie night and then I decide to choose the one that was a simple and grammered response...after the inital greetings this was his email to me...sweet and simple

Tammy,

I see you are Mexican; nice.You are also attractive. You seem like an interesting person. Can I have your number? How does a stimulating conversation sound over coffee?

I am a local firefighter and an Army National Guard Soldier. I hold two Associates degrees. I'm looking to further my education in the future. I like to do just about anything outdoors.

Stephen.

How could I say no to him... especially after all I was getting...he was one of the few people I liked. So we befriended each other on Facebook and then set a date for the movies...the date details are next post my poor little fingers need some time to relax...till next time :)

If I keep this up I will not have any normal male friends....

So I decided to go out for a nice night out with a friend who is going through a rough time at the moment and said to myself before hand that I would keep it nice and slow with the drinks, plus we were meeting up with an old friend who I hadn't seen in sometime....And I had butterflies about seeing him again...don't know exactly why but I did. So I pick up my friend who Im going to codename-Tiffany, since she loves Tiffany jewelry as much as Audrey Hepburn in "Breakfast at Tiffany's", and we head to the spot that my other friend picked out...we get there and are completely blown away from the environment that it showers you with...there is no real type set there...there are older people, younger people, mixed couples, creepy people and here we were two women, one of which wanted to drink her sorrows away in this spot on another planet...then walks in my old friend who we are going to codename-Jacob, since its his middle name and the name of a friend we both have...so Jacob me and Tiffany are sitting and talking and drinking when the very person who broke little Tiffany's heart walks in....that is another story...long story short there was alot of arguing, yelling drinking and then I took her home....after that I meet Jacob downtown at a club named Neo- good thing it was ladies night since I paid nothing :) So I meet Jacob there...we have some drinks and then the little shit kisses me...now our past wasn't ever a sexual one...we even used to yell and fight like brothers and sisters when we worked together but tonight it was a whole new me and him....there were long kisses....holding back cravings and then giving in to them....every time I kissed him I would say "I cant" but then kiss him again....every time he would hold my hand and kiss me deeply I would say "No" but then end up back in his arms.....I just wanted to get the night over with...I tried walking away....getting fresh air....smoking a cigarette-which I never do, and then he takes it from me and tells me its bad for me....he was a sweetheart one minute and a horn dog the next lol....and then the inevitable occur ed....yep we did it...and not only that but we did it in my car....I dont want to sound like a slut now...he was no stranger to me and we are both adults.....but I must say buzzed or drunk whatever I was....I never felt so dam sexy in my life.....then when I dropped him off at his car we did it again in his car.....now what made it more sexy and a turn on is the fact that hes a cop and the fact that we screwed in his cop car made it so much better.....I dont know now what to do or say....Im in such shock and confusion that I cant sleep....God why me....I need to get my priorities straight.....this is not what I planed for my life....

How often do you cry?

I don't know exactly what happened to me as a child or while growing up but for some reason I cant seem to really cry when I'm supposed to. I can be in one of the saddest situations with a group of people or experiencing great joy or anger and cant seem to cry..I cant stand the idea of crying in front of people..I know its a self-conscience thing that is linked to my ego and pride but I really do wish I wouldn't care what people would say and just cry...I want to cry..and all these held in tears and emotions are causing me to tear up when I'm alone...I cant go one time to the restroom to "tinkle" and not shed at least one tear..I cant be watching a Disney movie in my room or during one of the times I go by myself to the movies and not tear up or choke when someone dies or is happy with bliss...but even then I feel dumb for wanting to cry and stop as soon as possible.....I dont want to be seen weak and vulnerable....but isnt that what women are supposed to be....I just dont get it....I almost cried today as I saw a bird putting together a nest outside a window at school....it was so pure and real...makes me want to laugh now thinking of it...

I can still smell his aftershave on me..

WHY??????Why is it that we sometimes feel lonely and do things that we regret...that we feel so empty and alone when we are full of love and surrounded with people..we are just so insecure with ourselves so we surround ourselves then with people we don't know and do things we don't always do, or even condemn other people for doing...we are hypocrites festering within ourselves....After the events pass we then are left with a lingering sense of what happened..it could be the visual third-person memory of it, the faint yet constant smell everywhere you are...a certain sound or song that you heard then and cant get out of your head...these things just stick to you with a shit load of guilt attached to them telling you..that's what you get....that's what you get for doing what you did....do it again...I DARE YOU.!!!!!!

Date night...

So this past friday I dicided it was time to meet one of the guys I was talking to online and see how the date goes..First thing I had to do was text or email him to see if he was available..His name is Mike and he seemed really sane with the messages we have sent back and forth for the past month and was even ok with the fact that I sometimes never replied to some of his messages. His picture he sent me was also decent so I said "What the hell...let me give it a shot". So I sent him a simply "Hey, What are you up to tonight?"...Reply "Nothing much just getting out of work..what about you...you wanna hang out?"..Now he has sent me that message before and I would always blow him off so thats why I dicided to choose him.I then simply replyed "Sure...you just say where and when!"..I like to do that since it gives him the illusion that it was all his idea of going out and give him control of the area...that way I can see what hes all about..So we then dicide to go play put-put at a nearby mini-golf course called Castle mini-golf off of Gladiolous...nice little course. We meet out in the parking lot and say our official Hello's and shake hands...who shakes hands lol...I can see he is digging me, for the first thing he did was look at my breast and then we headed to the paystation..then a small conversation began:
Mike-So your from here originally or what?
Me-Yep born and raised...a mexican cracker I like to call myself..
Mike-Yeah me too...Went up north for school but came back..

now let me fill you in about Mike...He is 28, and medical sales person and lives with his mother for the time being, now I understood he went through an unemployment moment so that was the reason, he also went to school and FSU and seemed smart..slightly cocky...also I hate to judge on looks but he wasnt the best looking guy...at all...

He payed for the game-23.50..I offered but he insisted..
then the game began..we spoke of our favorite music, past times, hobbies, likes and don't likes, pets,family, sports and education plus a touch on government...I know what didnt we talk about..

He then started feeling alittle embarassed since I was beating me and even tried to though my hand or graze my butt non-chilant lol...I was having a goodish time but he was I could tell diggin me more then I to him...plus he would stare at my breast everytime he could...why?
at the last hole he stole a kiss and I was nice enough to return it since he did pay..he then got us some icecream and I thought it was the end...turns out we were the last ones to play so once we turned in our sticks they shut off the lights ...I found it a little wired walking in the dark with a guy I just met..but he was nice walking me to my car...thats when things got odd....as I was saying goodbye to him he took the chance and kissed me and kind of pinned me to my car..I was honestly going through a dryspell in the date department so I was flattered and returned it aswell...he got a little intense in his kissing then started to hump me..OK...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????? I THEN STOPPED HIM SAID GOOD NIGHT AND ENDED MY DATE NIGHT...why must these things happen to me....loll....why?