Pintrest is making me their BIATCH
I am super thankful for the app and then I am super annoyed at the same time. I go on to get my morning motivation and then bammmm 3 hrs later I've made 20 pins in my where to go, things to try, places to go, and my bucket list....I mainly wanted to make it a trip to all the National Parks and now I have a list of small hikes to go on and places I must see....
How the heck am I going to afford this...God only knows but I am so determined I can't fail.
I almost feel like this is the ultimate challenge to myself.
My ratification to myself that I CAN DO THIS.
I can accomplish somethings if I actually try to.
And pointers is my slight snarky guardian angel keeping me on my toes and motivation going.
Its almost like the gas that keeps this car going.

I actually did it.....I quit my flipping job

This was my farewell letter to work....I just couldn't leave with no goodbye lok

My beloved Sprint,

I am sorry to inform you that I will be leaving you after a dedicated 4 years of my young life. I gave you the best of my youth and can not get it back. I will now go on a quest to recover whatever I can of it. After a small stint of alcoholism and energy drinks in order to stay awake and work with the constant pressure of hitting my given goals and many excessive needs of our begging customers, I’ve decided I want to live in the fresh air instead of the bipolar environment we call an office. I can only be yelled and ridiculed so much in my life before calling it quits. I do and will always have fond memories of this place….I mean where else does one get gifts, like an Egyptian queen, on a weekly basis. My Rice Krispy treats, the green teas, the bi-daily coffees, small pieces of jewelry and lets not forget the nice tips (I understand that its against the rules-but I’m a rule breaker). I will also miss the time I finagled to get the extended vacations and 4 day weekends which allowed me to do my small traveling, which later lead to my big road trip I have ahead of me. I do have a sense of guilt knowing others will still have to be an adult as I go on my carefree way as they bring themselves to the sad building we call work.

Things I will miss:

~The random nicknames I have acquired over the years….Tamika, Tina, Deborah Ojala, Puppet Master, Pain in the ass and so forth

~The nicknames I made for others….Zazu, Tarzan, Giggles, The Mechanic, George,  JamJam, Logi, Bobushka, Nubby, Roachie, Life, Lexicans, Garbear, Cruzy, Pultraghoast, Coo, Luisa, novela and Im sure I’ve missed a few

~Things I will miss..

~Telling my personal life to my coworkers in hopes of gaining a better perspective of my morals….lol yeah my morals are out of whack I’ve noticed

~My whole theory coming to life of Great luck and Bad Karma-

~Dating my customers……who would have thought that this was a good place to pick up men for free dinners and drinks

~My manager doing a rendition of Shia Leboufs “Just DO IT” motivational speech during a Friday meeting

~getting my coworkers to leave the store just to get me energy drinks since I was to damn lazy to do so

~Playing Pokemon Go and talking about Game of Thrones on Sprints dime $$ J

I will miss most of you for sure…others Im just happy I didn’t have to see you everyday J

Take care

Tammy Silva

When life gives you Apples, throw them back and scream "Where are my lemons?"!

When life gives you Apples, throw them back and scream "Where are my lemons?"!

So how many times have you started a new week, month, year, relationship or job and thought this time its for real...this time Im going to be a new, better, awesomer me...I can say that, that saying has gone through my head so many god dam fucking times that youd think that by now Ive bettered myself for the best and am an expert in jobs, relationships and every womens best friends "Diets" lol...But I am not...I am like about 90% of the women and even men out there who just cant seem to complete something...I cant even freaking keep up to date with posts on here...Ive since my last post..dumped my lovining boyfriend.. got cheated on by the scum of the earth  (who is a great fuck)...met Mr. Perfect...cheated on him for Mr. Not-Perfect...fell in love with that dick and then had my heart broken twice by him....and a few bystanders in between....and all that is just my kinda love life lol....yes I just lol'd and I do that frequently..

So now my goal is to ranndomly in no certin order just drought down....or in modern terms use my bluetooth keyboard on my spanking new...un-needed Ipad Air 2... anything that comes to mind....

Sometimes it will be how my day was as if I were an oldschool teenager writing in my glitter and kitten sticker filled journal and other time it will be me simply bringing up and old memory in hopes that is I type it down I can look at it in the future and laugh with the rememberance of if....

just and FYI

I probably am spelling a few...just a few things wrong....plus Ill add pics....who doesnt love pics lol

Craigslist

So when I think of how I'm going to meet my new boyfriend the last thing I think of is, "Hey let me place and ad on Craigslist" lol....I'm happy to say that's exactly what I did almost 6 months ago and we are still together...I thought on a very boring night in April, let me give this thing a try..I will at least get a kick out of reading the responses...I could have tried the E Harmony gang or Match.com, or even the new bootie-call site Plentyoffish.com...but I said nope lets see what Craigslist has to offer..So my title under women seeking men was "Seeking someone Fun and Simple"..that seems like a nice inviting post for normal men..I guess I forgot that among the nice men out there are the creeps...I guess the word fun invited them to think I was thinking sexual...so I have like 50 or so emails in my inbox, mostly from creeps wanting me to meet them at their homes for a movie night and then I decide to choose the one that was a simple and grammered response...after the inital greetings this was his email to me...sweet and simple

Tammy,

I see you are Mexican; nice.You are also attractive. You seem like an interesting person. Can I have your number? How does a stimulating conversation sound over coffee?

I am a local firefighter and an Army National Guard Soldier. I hold two Associates degrees. I'm looking to further my education in the future. I like to do just about anything outdoors.

Stephen.

How could I say no to him... especially after all I was getting...he was one of the few people I liked. So we befriended each other on Facebook and then set a date for the movies...the date details are next post my poor little fingers need some time to relax...till next time :)

If I keep this up I will not have any normal male friends....

So I decided to go out for a nice night out with a friend who is going through a rough time at the moment and said to myself before hand that I would keep it nice and slow with the drinks, plus we were meeting up with an old friend who I hadn't seen in sometime....And I had butterflies about seeing him again...don't know exactly why but I did. So I pick up my friend who Im going to codename-Tiffany, since she loves Tiffany jewelry as much as Audrey Hepburn in "Breakfast at Tiffany's", and we head to the spot that my other friend picked out...we get there and are completely blown away from the environment that it showers you with...there is no real type set there...there are older people, younger people, mixed couples, creepy people and here we were two women, one of which wanted to drink her sorrows away in this spot on another planet...then walks in my old friend who we are going to codename-Jacob, since its his middle name and the name of a friend we both have...so Jacob me and Tiffany are sitting and talking and drinking when the very person who broke little Tiffany's heart walks in....that is another story...long story short there was alot of arguing, yelling drinking and then I took her home....after that I meet Jacob downtown at a club named Neo- good thing it was ladies night since I paid nothing :) So I meet Jacob there...we have some drinks and then the little shit kisses me...now our past wasn't ever a sexual one...we even used to yell and fight like brothers and sisters when we worked together but tonight it was a whole new me and him....there were long kisses....holding back cravings and then giving in to them....every time I kissed him I would say "I cant" but then kiss him again....every time he would hold my hand and kiss me deeply I would say "No" but then end up back in his arms.....I just wanted to get the night over with...I tried walking away....getting fresh air....smoking a cigarette-which I never do, and then he takes it from me and tells me its bad for me....he was a sweetheart one minute and a horn dog the next lol....and then the inevitable occur ed....yep we did it...and not only that but we did it in my car....I dont want to sound like a slut now...he was no stranger to me and we are both adults.....but I must say buzzed or drunk whatever I was....I never felt so dam sexy in my life.....then when I dropped him off at his car we did it again in his car.....now what made it more sexy and a turn on is the fact that hes a cop and the fact that we screwed in his cop car made it so much better.....I dont know now what to do or say....Im in such shock and confusion that I cant sleep....God why me....I need to get my priorities straight.....this is not what I planed for my life....

How often do you cry?

I don't know exactly what happened to me as a child or while growing up but for some reason I cant seem to really cry when I'm supposed to. I can be in one of the saddest situations with a group of people or experiencing great joy or anger and cant seem to cry..I cant stand the idea of crying in front of people..I know its a self-conscience thing that is linked to my ego and pride but I really do wish I wouldn't care what people would say and just cry...I want to cry..and all these held in tears and emotions are causing me to tear up when I'm alone...I cant go one time to the restroom to "tinkle" and not shed at least one tear..I cant be watching a Disney movie in my room or during one of the times I go by myself to the movies and not tear up or choke when someone dies or is happy with bliss...but even then I feel dumb for wanting to cry and stop as soon as possible.....I dont want to be seen weak and vulnerable....but isnt that what women are supposed to be....I just dont get it....I almost cried today as I saw a bird putting together a nest outside a window at school....it was so pure and real...makes me want to laugh now thinking of it...

I can still smell his aftershave on me..

WHY??????Why is it that we sometimes feel lonely and do things that we regret...that we feel so empty and alone when we are full of love and surrounded with people..we are just so insecure with ourselves so we surround ourselves then with people we don't know and do things we don't always do, or even condemn other people for doing...we are hypocrites festering within ourselves....After the events pass we then are left with a lingering sense of what happened..it could be the visual third-person memory of it, the faint yet constant smell everywhere you are...a certain sound or song that you heard then and cant get out of your head...these things just stick to you with a shit load of guilt attached to them telling you..that's what you get....that's what you get for doing what you did....do it again...I DARE YOU.!!!!!!